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This blog was re-opened on 28th Dec 2009
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Gloomy day

Today I kind of realised what a loser I was. I always comment on people who look noob and have steads, but I never thought that I looked noob myself. What a loser, anyway, got really upset because of Hubert, when I was sitting beside Jiaxin, he kept pushing my chair with both his legs, I moved in front and still, he kept pushing me. I'm not angry, I wanted to cry, yes, I cry a lot. But I controlled my tears because I knew I shouldn't be crying in class, I walked away and kneeled down beside Jiaxin, I think Jiaxin finds me irritating and disgusting? So I didn't dare to speak, but I was thinking of many things as I looked at the screen.

Anyways, at the end of the lesson, I dismissed these unhappy thoughts and ate lunch with Sharon and Jolene which made me forget unhappy things that happened. However aft school, I realised my ezlink card is with Imran and the bus was alr nearing Jp, wasted time travelling to and fro. I went back to class and collected my ws, then, I decided to stay there because I was tired from walking.

But aft that I consulted Jiaqi for homework because I was afraid I couldn't complete them. So I was doing my assignment and suddenly, I remembered the incident when Jiaqi said I looked like a fish. Then, he said Regine told him to comment on my looks and I was about to break down when Jiaxin asked if they think I'm the chioest in 3I, obviously not. And Jiaqi gave the disgusted face and then I felt really sad.

I don't expect him to say I'm chio but he was also not wrong because its a fact. So I quickly made my way home, I did not want to cry in front of them. How could I be affected by comments easily? I controlled my tears but by the time I reached the staircase, I was already crying hard like a loser. Then I called Therena. Thank You Therena, even though I'm angry with you sometimes, you're always there for me.

However, I'm more sad because of what Regine said.

You're always looking for her. What about me? Who am I? So much for sparing a thought for you when I had more friends to go out with. Don't talk to me about this. Face-to-face confrontations don't work that well anymore. Anw, she's more interesting than me right? She has a charming brother (that's what you think) and she's more funny, and fun to go out with.

I read this and could almost break down. It may sound something ok for anyone to accept, but not for me. Anyway, why are you making assumptions out of my mindless comments. Obviously I do not care about Jiaxin's brother, I'm not even shou with him. You were the one who was excited over him at first. And why did you say it like you're sure I think he is charming when sometimes we are discussing and I just passed a random comment like "Yah, he's quite shuai" and "He's nice" or maybe very nice, in my opinion, but that doesn't mean anything, it is also not enough to conclude that I think he is charming. And I go out with Jiaxin more often because we have more common topics to talk about and unlike you, (not sarcastically) she accepts fastfood most of the time, and can chat with me till late hours. Which is different, because if I go out with you, I have to eat Kopitiam food most of the time, and we don't have common topics to talk about and you have to get home before your curfew and peak hours. However, if you still feel that you have more friends to go out with, please go ahead and be with them, please do not care about an outcast cum loser like me. Also, if you think I have not been a good friend, then, I have done my best, probably you forgot that I was always friends with you when Sharon and Therena did not like you for one period of time. Maybe you forgot about these, and if you say I don't care about you then what about you and Hanyu? I suppose the both of you are really good friends and you always talk to him a lot in class and aft school so why are you complaining about me? And when I needed you, were you there? That time I stained my pinafore I didn't know what to do and you left me in the toilet and Therena was the one who rushed to the toilets with a clean pinafore from the GO. Well, I still remember the times you showed your concern for me but most of the time, you only care about yourself and you did not encourage me. Anyways, I wrote these here on my blog because you don't want to me to talk to you about these and this is also a place for me to vent out. I'm not flaming you, in case you think so.

rei: u said he was nice. very nice. and i don't agree with that.

1 Mar 10, 21:50

Angela: I never said Chua Jiaxuan is charming

This proves that I never said he was charming, you don't agree that he is nice doesn't mean that I think he is charming.

Anyway, on the whole, this was a sad day. And this post is not text where aft reading, you can laugh in front of the screen. I post about a sad day or emotions and why are you laughing? Please have a heart, how would you feel if your friend was laughing at your misery? Esp when you were one of my best friends. Anyway, I cannot brace myself up, with all these unhappy thoughts in my mind..

Text is screwed, so please don't think some parts are bigger because I want to emphasise, the text is screwed which is the only reason